Psychologists claim that divorce is one of the most traumatic events in a person’s life. Apparently, it becomes equally devastating for both men and women. However, stereotypic masculine culture dictates that males should be reserved and endure all the hardship without showing it to the world.
So, how to deal with divorce as a man? Just listen to your heart and forget all the stereotypes. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and admit that you feel pain and sorrow.
The truth is that the emotional stages of divorce for a man do not differ much from the women’s – it’s all about denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. If you are going through a marriage dissolution and feel that your life is falling apart, do not feel ashamed because of that.
Do you consider yourself a broken man after divorce? Well, the situation is sad but quite common for those who have gone through this process. If you are looking for the answers to how to get over a divorce, you have come to the right place! This article contains some great tips for a man coping with divorce.
Tips on How to Start a New Life after Divorce
As soon as your case is over and your marriage is declared officially terminated, the first question you may have is, “What to do after divorce?” The answer may be a bit confusing to you, yet very helpful: live your life. Of course, moving on after divorce as a man may feel like the end of the world, but in fact, it’s only the beginning.
We have compiled a great list of divorce tricks for men so you can feel more confident starting a completely new period of your life. We hope that this divorced man advice will help you get better soon!
- Create Your New Perfect Home
Finding a new place to live is one of the first things you need to take care of to make this transitional period less stressful. The best advice in this case is to start looking for a new flat or house even before the divorce proceedings start. This way, you’ll have some time to consider your budget and choose between several options.
Make your new crib a man’s heaven: create a space for rest, work, and leisure. For example, if you have always dreamed of a mini football table, this is your chance to purchase one. The comfort of your own home will definitely make you feel better.
- Re-Establish Your Routine
Unfortunately, depression is a frequent problem for those who have gone through a divorce and had to rearrange their life. But even if you are devastated and lack inner resources, you need to do your best to establish a healthy and consistent routine.
You can start with easy tasks like going to bed before midnight and never skipping breakfast. It is also a good idea to start doing some light exercises and go for a walk for at least 30 minutes per day. After all, a sound mind can only be in a sound body.
- Understand Your Aspirations
You probably feel that the life has ended for you. In fact, now, the door is open to a myriad of opportunities and fulfilled dreams. Your main task on the way to the new period of your life is to understand what you truly want.
It’s not about something global; after all, it may be hard and scary to change one’s life drastically. Maybe you’ve planned to change your job, take up new hobbies or develop the old ones, buy a new car, or get a new haircut – there are so many exciting things in life you should try!
- Keep in Touch with Old Friends
Getting support after a divorce is what everyone needs when they go through a hard life period. Good friends are a real blessing many of us do not value. Sometimes, we get so stuck in our adult problems and household chores that we almost lose connection with our loyal friends. If it’s your situation, don’t get upset that all is lost.
Call your friends and invite them for a beer or a football night. Being around some close people is sure to make you feel more comfortable and secure.
- Don’t Be Afraid to Be Vulnerable
You have definitely been told at least once in your life that boys don’t cry. In fact, they do. You may be surprised, but it’s totally fine to cry for a man. Being emotional helps each of us to get over our trauma faster and avoid negative health consequences.
Think about your mental and physical well-being; is it even possible to be a healthy and happy man when you always hide your hard feelings deep inside? The definite answer is, “No!” Self-control is good, but sometimes, it can be destructive if you do not let yourself be vulnerable for a moment.
Tips for Men after 40 Years
According to statistics, more than half of divorces occur among couples aged 25-39 years. It’s no surprise that middle-aged divorced men may feel isolated and lonely seeing most of their friends staying in a marriage and not knowing how to survive divorce at 40. The great news is that happiness after divorce for a man of any age is not a dream but a reality!
Of course, it is much more difficult to build a new life when you are a bit older, but nothing is impossible for those who are open to new opportunities and adventures. After all, the age is just a number.
So, if you are 40+ and have recently divorced, do not lose heart. Check our tips on how to move on after divorce at 40:
- Do Not Shut Yourself off from the World
Life after a divorce for a man over 50 and even over 40 may seem less vivid and exciting than for those who are 30 and younger, but it does not mean that you cannot make it great. Even if all your friends are married, you can still meet each other and have a blast! Sometimes, checking on your old pals and inviting them to your favorite place is important.
Moreover, if you realize you are ready to open your heart to someone new, that’s amazing, too. Going on a date is a great idea for single individuals of any age. So, if you fancy some nice lady and know she probably feels the same way, do not fret and ask her out immediately.
Life after divorce for men over 40 can still bring lots of amazing things if you do not isolate yourself and let your depression take over!
- Ignore Ageist Stereotypes
Unfortunately, ageism is a common issue in our society. Even though the average lifespan has increased recently, older individuals are often marginalized and even disenfranchised. For example, in some countries, you cannot get a good job if you are over 40, an attitude that should never exist in modern times.
However, even if you cannot fight the stereotypes, you still can refuse to let them ruin your life. No matter how old you are, you are still a man! Your worthiness is never defined by your age but by your personality and actions. So, the next time you think that you cannot do something because you are too old for that, brush these thoughts off!
- Take Care of Your Health
The sad truth is that the older we get, the more health complications we acquire. For example, men over 40 often suffer from several diseases, such as erectile dysfunction, diabetes, osteoarthritis, and sleep apnea. However, even the most serious issues can be avoided if you care about your physical and mental well-being.
First of all, do not forget to go for a check-up at least once a year. If you know you are predisposed to certain diseases, visit the doctor regularly to ensure they do not progress. Practicing some sport and getting a healthy eating routine is also a good idea. If you can’t cook, it’s definitely time to learn how to make some simple yet nutritious meals. By keeping yourself healthy, you will live a long and fulfilling life.
- Invest in Your Hobbies
Married men often do not have enough time or resources for things they really enjoy. So, why don’t you regard your divorce as an opportunity to dive into your favorite hobbies? If you always loved fishing, it’s time to buy good equipment. If you are a football fan, do not skip the next game of your favorite team, even if you need to travel to another state.
You can’t have a great life without doing something you love. So, treat yourself and spend some money and time on things that make you happy.
Starting over after divorce at 45, 50, or 60+ should not be challenging. In fact, it can be much fun if only you let it.
Tips for Men after 60 Years
Surprising as it may seem, life after a divorce for a man over 60 does exist, and it can be happy as well. Of course, starting afresh at such an age may seem impossible, but you can make it great if you do things that bring you joy and comfort.
So, how to get over a divorce as a man of older age? We offer some useful tips:
- Find Solace in Communicating with the Close Ones
Divorcing a person you have spent so many years with is an enormous stress, but it doesn’t mean you are all alone now. You still have your children and grandchildren. So, one of the greatest divorce survival tips for men is to spend time with people you care about most of all, and their love and attention will save you.
- Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
Men often stay reserved and suffer in silence, no matter how old they are. However, if you want to be happy again, you need to learn to ask for support. If you feel sad and lonely, talk to your children and tell them about your struggles.
If you are depressed and suffer from physical pain, do not put it off and seek medical assistance as soon as possible. Requesting help is never a sign of weakness but a great virtue that can make your life so much better.
- Focus on Yourself and Your Comfort
You may feel that you have no personal goals after being a family man for so long. The truth is that now, you have all the time for yourself. So, make your comfort your main priority!
Life does not automatically end when you are 60 and divorced, so your main task now is to learn how to enjoy your new reality. You can finally get up whenever you want and have whatever you like for breakfast. Isn’t it amazing?
- Try Something New
Life after divorce for men of older age may seem dull and senseless, but do not let this pessimism reign over you. If you still feel that you have enough resources to live this life to the fullest, go for it!
Maybe you always wanted to travel, read a ton of books, or take cooking or pottery classes. Why don’t you start it right now? Even if you still haven’t retired, you can definitely find some time for anything you want. After all, you worked so hard all your life and deserve to do some things just for you.
Things to Avoid After Divorce
Men dealing with divorce emotions often rush to the extremes and fight the tsunami of feelings. When we are in pain, we try to find various coping strategies that can help us on our way.
However, there are some things that you must avoid at all costs if you want to heal as soon as possible and start a new life without negativity and drama.
- Do Not Attempt to Reconcile with Your Ex-Wife
One of the worst mistakes you can make on your way to healing is living in the past. You wonder why getting back with an ex never works? Well, it’s only effective if both partners are ready to admit their mistakes and put effort into improving the relationship. However, the statistics are still quite disappointing: 87% of couples eventually choose to divorce after their reconciliation.
So, if the annoying question, “Should I get back with my ex?” comes to your mind from time to time, the answer is “No!” in most cases. Remember the events that have led to your divorce and never look back.
- Do Not Forget about Your Children
You are definitely stressed by the drastic changes in your life, but your kids are also devastated by your divorce. The worst part is that they can even blame themselves for it. On your way to healing, do not forget to help your children to recover as well! Try to be the most caring and attentive father. You’ll see the smiles on their faces again, and that will make you feel good.
So, the next time your kids come to your place, make sure you have quality time playing, talking, and doing all the things you loved when you lived together as a family.
- Avoid Getting Addicted
Let’s make it clear: getting addicted is the worst thing you can ever do to yourself and your future. No matter what kind of addiction a person has, gambling, alcohol, drugs, etc., it never helps to deal with life problems and even brings new ones.
So, in the moment of weakness, remember that your addiction can make you feel better for a moment, but after that, you will face dreadful consequences. We recommend you find solace in practicing sports, meeting with friends, or seeing a therapist.
- Do Not Let the Depression Win
Undoubtedly, divorce traumatizes each party involved, even if it is for the better. You may feel like you are drowning in your sadness and dark thoughts, but you must fight for your bright and happy future.
Mental health experts claim that you should never underestimate the power of depression and devalue your feelings. So, if you realize you cannot get over it, you should seek help without any doubts.
- Don’t Start an Affair before You’re Officially Free
We can name two reasons for that. First of all, your new relationships can get you in trouble during the divorce proceedings since, in some states, it may be regarded as adultery, which in turn may influence the judge’s decision on alimony, child custody, and property division. So, if you already have a person you like, you’d better wait for a divorce finalization before asking them out.
Secondly, it is never a good idea to start seeing someone when you are so vulnerable and depressed. Your expectations may not be fulfilled, leading to even more disappointments in life.
When to start dating after divorce? As soon as you have recovered. For now, the best thing you can do is focus on yourself and your healing process. When you reach inner harmony, you can start dating again and have a higher chance of a successful first relationship after divorce.
- Be Careful with Your Finances
In times of hardship, many people love overspending to feel better. While treating yourself is always a good idea, budget planning is one of the first things a divorced individual must take care of.
Make a monthly budget with your income and expenses, allocating some part of your money to emotional purchases that bring you joy. This way, you will avoid getting into debt and improve your mood with small yet pleasant things.